


tange

by Vennat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Canonical Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Introspection, Oops, Projecting onto characters, SOMEONE GET THIS BOY SOME LOVE PLEASE, Touch-Starved Harry Potter, as a coping method, no beta we die like men, poor boy i love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 06:38:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vennat/pseuds/Vennat
Summary: A million little touches, more than Harry has ever had in his entire life up until this point, and he files each and every one of them away in his head for the cold, tired nights when he’s alone in his cupboard, and the weight settles into his chest and makes him ache.





	tange

**Author's Note:**

> in which im depressed and touch starved and i've been reading a lot of harry potter fic but im too anxious to actually talk to anyone about my problems so i project them onto my favorite characters!  
> dont follow my example. please.
> 
> not looking for any concrit on this bad boy please, because i wrote it in 10 mins, and I know it's awful. 
> 
> song rec to set the mood for this: Hurt by Johnny Cash
> 
> title is "touch" in Latin.

He never quite noticed it until it went away. 

 

Aunt Petunia would attempt to wrap her skinny arms around Dudley’s sizeable midsection, and Harry would watch from the crack in his cupboard door and feel the weight settle in his chest. 

 

He would watch as Uncle Vernon pat Dudley hard on the shoulder in a move that would send anyone of a smaller girth stumbling.

 

(Harry pretended that the ache in his chest was from breathing in the dust in his cupboard.)

 

But then he goes to Hogwarts, and he has  _ friends  _ for the first time ever. No one calls him a freak, flinching back from him as if it’s infectious-- because by the Dursley’s standards e _ veryone  _  here is a freak. 

 

Ron will put his arm around his shoulders, sometimes, or Hermione will swing their hands between them as they walk, and the two of them will hug him when they get excited or something good happens or-- 

 

A million little touches, more than Harry has ever had in his entire life up until this point, and he files each and every one of them away in his head for the cold, tired nights when he’s alone in his cupboard, and the weight settles into his chest and makes him  _ ache. ( _ Because it doesn’t matter what he does, he can never escape the cupboard.) 

 

(Sometimes they chase away the ache, and sometimes the memories make it press harder, so he feels as if he’s being crushed with the weight of his  _ want.)  _

 

He wants someone to care about him, to care that he eats meals every day, to make sure that he’s happy and that he isn’t ever in danger. 

 

His friends, during school, would do anything for him. But his two friends feel invincible, because they know that when it’s over, they have someone to go home to, someone who will kiss their foreheads and wrap their injuries and  _ care.  _

 

But Harry is only invincible through desperation. He is only invincible because he is the only one who cares whether he makes it out of things in one piece.

 

So the ache settles in his chest, heavy, waiting to be chased away by a touch to the shoulder or the brush of fingers that he won’t experience for a number of months yet.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @v-ennat. i usually write better than this, and i take requests.


End file.
